My Journey With Trich

I’ve been pulling my hair for pretty much as long as I can remember. It used to drive my family crazy so I got better at hiding it, but I never stopped. 

I don’t know when it became my entire life but in the last few years it really feels like my hand is constantly in my hair. The texture of the strands is so satisfying, especially since my hair has gotten coarser since I reached my thirties. Pulling comforts me. I do it when I’m upset, when I’m bored, pretty much all the time. You can’t really tell to look at my hair, luckily I still have a ton of it, but I leave piles of hair everywhere I go. 

When I made my monthly goals for the year, I knew stopping pulling was going to be one of them. I’ve tried before but it never really worked. But this time I had a solid plan. 

I reread Overcoming Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviours and this time I actually listened to what it said and really worked on the reasons for pulling and put interventions in place for all the reasons. 

I got myself a Pavlok bracelet that vibrates when I go to pull my hair. I mean it vibrates when I lift my arm in general, so I take it off sometimes when I’m doing some stuff that could trigger it constantly. Anyway,  it vibrates when I go to pull, which helps make me aware of what I’m doing, considering half the time, I don’t even know I’m doing it. If I am pulling when it vibrates, I use the shock function and give myself a little zap on the wrist. 

My next step is to log that I either had the urge to pull or that I did pull. I refuse to spend money on the sketchy sounding therapy from the TrichStop app (especially since it is SO EXPENSIVE, not covered by benefits, and everyone in the Trichotillomania subreddit warned against it), but I do find the app really handy for tracking. It lets me put if it was an urge or pulling, the intensity, how many hairs I pulled, where I am/what I’m doing, and then I can add my own comments, which is where I explore if I did it out of habit/boredom or because I’m upset about something. 

It sounds dumb but if I’m pulling because I’m upset about something, I try to look at the reason I’m upset and journal about it. I try to see what I can do to make myself feel better and change my thoughts about whatever is making me upset enough to pull.

Along with that, I’m working on my emotion regulation. Using skills I can to try to avoid getting so upset I pull. Making sure I sleep enough, eat well, drink enough water, take care of myself when I’m not feeling well. They all seem silly and like common sense, but when I don’t do those things it’s extra hard to control my emotions, and my desire to pull my hair increases. 

Another reason I end up pulling is just pure boredom or my hands being free. This is especially bad when I’m working or watching something. My friend gave me a spinner ring ages ago, and so now when I feel the urge to pull, I play with my ring instead. 

Another time when I really struggle with pulling is when I’m laying in bed. It’s so easy to just absentmindedly grab the strands. I bought myself a satin bonnet, and not only do I not pull my hair in bed anymore, but my curls have never looked better. 

As I mentioned, my hair has gotten coarser in the last eightish months, so keeping it healthy and moisturized is really important so I am less tempted to play with it. I’ve been using good quality products and have gotten in the habit of applying leave-in-conditioner before I put my bonnet on and go to bed. I will also (eventually) be getting a deep conditioner to use a couple times a month. I’m also planning on investing in a good clarifying shampoo to help with build up and flakes that cause me to scratch my scalp, which can then lead to pulling. 

Another thing I’ve been trying is taking a supplement called N-Acetyl Cysteine (NAC) twice a day, at times when my pulling is usually the worst. Since I’ve eliminated it when I’m in bed by wearing a bonnet, I’ve been taking it in the morning and in the afternoon at work. It’s supposed to help with overaction in the brain which helps with compulsions such as hair pulling. 

I’ve been checking out lots of webinars from TrichStop on pulling, some more helpful than others. There was one on automatic vs focused pulling which was pretty interesting because one is more linked with ADHD and the other with OCD–which guess what, I have both! There was also a good one on how to stay mindful to help stop pulling episodes. My favourite one I watched though was with Becca Schneider, who wrote a one woman show called “Trich” about her experiences with hair pulling. I’d love to see it. I’ve also been trying to read as many articles as possible about the disorder itself and other people’s experiences with it. 

After a bit of searching I found a support group to attend. Sadly, I was unable to join in a meeting this month, but I’m hoping some time in the near future to join in and see what it’s about. Hearing stories from other people who have gone through/are going through the same thing is always helpful. 

Honestly, it’s going really well. I’ve been tracking my pulling and my urges and they’ve gone way down. I didn’t think I would ever stop, and I haven’t completely, but now it only happens once or twice a day for a couple seconds until I notice, instead of all day for hours at a time. It’s still going to be a long road, but I’m so happy with my progress.